Sheep Junk and Other Things I’ve Been Into

Sorry for the lack of posting recently.

I totally have a reason.

Y’know why I’ve been absent? Care to speculate? (Before you guess, I wasn’t sucked into an alternate dimension, kidnaped by aliens, initiated into a funny-smelling nudist cult, or taken by manatees to live as one of their own).

The reason is much more commonplace.

It is sheep.

You may remember my mentioning that I own sheep. Actually I co-own sheep with my brother, but still, SHEEP. And this is the time of year that the sheep are gearing up to forcefully eject tiny sheeps from their hinder ends, also known as lambing season, also known as stare-at-perplexed-sheep-and-wonder-if-they’re-getting-down-to-business season. Sheep are inscrutable, man. As opposed to goats, who just let it all hang out at every available opportunity, sheep are terribly private and mysterious.

This is a giant pain in the butt.

It is during this time of year that crawling around the barnyard gazing up into sheep junk is both acceptable and even encouraged. Nobody asks what you’re doing, because they know already, but, if they did, the answer would be ‘I’M CHECKING FOR MUCUS!’, hollered in one’s best hillbilly manner. Talk of swollen vulvas runs thick and fast (hehehe). There is baaing. There are funny looks, both from humans to sheep and from sheep to humans. Over it all, our two goats preside with sardonic and dickish amusement.

The end result is that I’m viewing more sheep vadge than the most dedicated sheep gynecologist—-and, despite being a good part Scottish, I’m not taking advantage of it.

So we’re all getting our lambing pens built up and strewing shavings to and fro, which has prevented me from throwing costumes on myself and taking pictures. Not for long, mind you. We’re planning a whole day of picture-taking in the near future, and I intend to be all over it like sharks on a sinking cruise liner (but without the leaping and biting . . . or, y’know, more controlled leaping and biting).

Things that are interesting and that have happened or are going to happen soon or darn it they’re interesting okay so let’s just go with that for a description:

1. Every year we theme our lamb names. This year’s theme is ‘The Expendables‘. Lambs named Hale Caesar? We got ‘em. Martial-arts-using, SmartCar-destroying, heavy-weapons-firing lambs? Yep. This is happening. Mark your calendars, people. Shiznit’s getting real.

2. I ripped a bunch of studs off a cheap studded belt and tacked them onto some shorts (that used to be pants, because darn it I’m thrifty). It’s metal. No word on if they’re going to revolt and stab me, but, if they do, I’ll keep y’all posted.

3. Buffy The Vampire Slayer cosplay. I think I can pull her off decently well, so I thought I’d have a crack at it. Thing was, I didn’t know what to do for a costume. Then she wore red leathery/latexy pants in the season three finale (which I’m only up to, so no spoilers if you value your lives). I totally own those exact pants. BAM. Life is good.

4. On the subject of pants, I had a small Spring Purging Of Pants where I put all my pants that were too big/small/creepy in a bag to be donated. A week later I woke up with a start in the middle of the night with one thought in my mind, ‘I have absolutely just donated my lady Sam Winchester cosplay pants’. Because they’re kinda too big for me. And yep, I had. But luckily the bag hadn’t been tossed into a donation thingy yet, so now I have them back and I’m eternally grateful. Thank you, pants Gods. You’re on my side this week.

5. I painted a $1 plastic cap gun completely silver for my Emma Peel (pretty much the first catsuit-wearing butt-kicking TV action heroine ever—-go check out ‘The Avengers’ [not THAT Avengers, the 1965 TV show Avengers] to see her in action) cosplay. It came out really well and pictures may be posted. I cannot wait to cosplay her! AIEEEEE.

6. I made Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Loaf. Anything called ‘loaf’ doesn’t sound so hot, but in reality it’s AMAZING and you should go make it. I’ve made it four times and every time it’s been fantastic. Go loaf yourself immediately. Recipe over here, at Dessert Girl:

So I’ve been doing sheep (aw yeah, uh-huh, obligatory euphemism baby). What have you reader-people been up to? Is it fun? Is it more exciting than vulva-gazing? IS it vulva-gazing? (Actually, if it is, don’t tell me. A winky face will be more than adequate).

What’re you delightful folks up/down to?


About Anne

Co-owner of a small sheep farm, part-time student, writer, cosplayer, and giver of hairy eyeballs.
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4 Responses to Sheep Junk and Other Things I’ve Been Into

  1. Nor Wayne says:

    I was just at a party where people ran naked through the streets…

  2. Sabih Abbasi says:

    it’s the big shaggy coats of wool isn’t it? Put a coat on anything and it becomes inscrutable, secretive and mysterious. Try it. Throw a coat over a goat (lol yay rhyme) but be prepared for…. Goat Detective! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    • Anne says:

      Will a coat on a goat make it haute? (I’ll inspect the sheep for signs of mysteriousness in the summer when we shear ’em. Will report back on levels of inscrutability!)

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